How Our Feelings & Relationshsips Are Formed By The Parenting We Got

Earlier posts have been about how the interaction between a child and caretakers creates internal models for relationships that tend to be repeated in other close relationships and also colors the child’s basic attitude to others and also to self.

This happens because the internal models develop into generalized expectations of how the child will be met in other emotionally important relationships, optimally appreciated and protected rather than exploited and mocked.

The models thereby shape the child’s way of approaching and interacting with people outside of the family, such as peers, teachers, and later in their own love relationships.

It is as if the way we were treated as children creates a threshold of what we expect and therefore put up with in our other relationships, i.e. if we naturally communicate our needs, give feedback and put up boundaries when mistreated.

Another way of viewing this is that the parenting we had creates our window of tolerance in relationships.

Unfortunately, this window often become streched by the child-parent emotional bond and then other persons without the same caring for us as our parents had can take advantage of this and mistreat us.

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